You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
