found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
