for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
