I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
