you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
