So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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