Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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