Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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