bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
