soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
