Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
