You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You're breaking my sexual little heart
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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