I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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