There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
she looked like the before picture.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize