addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
