Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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