I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
