I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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