dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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