I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
