haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
