found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
my shit smells like andre
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
