anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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