so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize