I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
you win again, gameday.
why do cheetos always look like penises
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
