My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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