home. puking in laundry basket.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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