Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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