Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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