I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize