I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
