Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
