Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
