and you said cock pushups were impossible
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
