he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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