If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
