Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
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