whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
