haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
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