some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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