why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
