The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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