Where are you?
In a non slutty way
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
