I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
