after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
there is glitter all over my balls
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