Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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