its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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