go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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