Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
