two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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