Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
