you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
The air was thick with penises
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
