quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
