direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
