Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
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