Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
