people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize