Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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