i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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