Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize