I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
