Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
please don't ironically join a cult
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