it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
