Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize