I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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