I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
pop tarts are not kleenex
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
