meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize